Gone in a Flash

Flash isn't coming into town from Galiano Island this weekend as planned. He is helping friends shop for Irish Dexter cows on Vancouver Island instead. We gays do have that shopping gene! Since I listened to his message, I have been wondering how they will get them on the ferry. I suppose they have a truck and won't be walk-on passengers, and the poor critters won't be able to visit the upper deck as the ferry cruises between the islands back to Galiano. They will probably be given names like Ertha and Bertha, or Polly and Esther.

PHOTO 1: Flash
PHOTO 2: Irish Dexters

81st Academy Awards

I don't much like awards ceremonies, no more than listening to annual budget reports. I don't have television reception and haven't for years so that makes it easy to side step most of North America's cultural references. Friends have learned that I don't have any knowledge of popular TV shows, sports events or popular mini-series.

But yesterday was my friend Frank's birthday party and he decided to hold a pot luck dinner party to watch the Academy Awards to celebrate. Also, given that he is president of a local gay men's nudist group, he decided to make it a nude event.

I am not shy. In fact, I came out at age 21 on Wreck Beach, preferring the sunshine and freedom of a nude beach to bars or saunas. I like swimming, sun-bathing, strolling and sleeping nude whenever possible, but somehow eating nude never gives me the same liberated feeling that others seem to enjoy. Perhaps I am too concerned with finding pubic hairs on my plate or pizza sauce on my dick, etc. My on-coming disability has made me increasingly self-conscious over the years, too, though no one has given me outward reasons to feel ashamed.

This Academy Awards show was a fairly crisp and entertaining one. I certainly saw more sides to Hugh Jackman that I have seen before, though most of the musical numbers weren't anything to write home about. "Milk", "Rachel Getting Married", "Waltz with Bashir" and "The Curious Tale of Benjamin Button" were the only films I have seen, but somehow I ended up winning $20 in a shared Oscars betting pool.

On Saturday, in advance of the party, I went to see "Benjamin Button", which I thoroughly enjoyed. It makes me sound like a common plebe or school girl but I have always been drawn to Brad Pitt, both to his acting and his looks. He's totally fantasy material and he often chooses interesting roles. Seeing him morph over the course of the movie from a garden gnome to a heart stopping, cock throbbing teenager was compelling and I failed to notice that the film is almost 3 hrs long (though it is made much longer by the films quizzes, advertisements and previews that preceded it, which make the high prices and crowds seem all the more unnecessary). I thought it was a good piece of story telling too. I had no idea it was based on a story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, though the screen writer had updated it somewhat by setting it as a flashback told in a New Orleans hospital while Hurricane Katrina is approaching the city. I am glad it won as many awards as it did.

Ssssnake returns

Shehzad left Thursday, left the futon bed down, the blinds closed and a small note saying he had to make a long distance call on my phone with no money to compensate. No big deal; nothing that worries me but he won't get a reference from me.

Danzante & Gerry invited me for dinner last night. Ssssnake and Wallowa were up from Portland to collect Ssssnake's belongings. His application with Immigration Canada had been rejected late last year and he has been living at Wallowa's since then. I spent half of Thursday evening making a kitten night light for him.

I went to Gerry & Danzante's right from work. Gerry picked me up at the Skytrain station and we enjoyed another of Danzante's innovative and tasty meals: braised lettuce, vegan pizza and baked fruit on skewers. I got to see their renovated den which I have heard so much about. It looks great but still has a third of the way to go to completion. Foxtail and Rainbow Strongheart were also there and Rainbow drove me home across town afterwards. He leaves for Palm Springs for 16 days today.

PHOTO 1: First snow bells of spring, Burrard Skytrain station
PHOTO 2: Ssssnake's Kitten night light
PHOTO 3: Foxtail, Ssssnake & Danzante

Ides of February

I must be too tired, though I don't feel exhausted. Yesterday I went to the bank and almost panicked when I saw how little was in my account, thinking that it was payday (which was today) and I also left my backpack at work, which I never do.

I have a new couch surfer, Shehzad, a gay fellow from Montreal. He arrived in town yesterday morning but was hanging out with extended family so he put off showing up at my place until 9. He had been up almost 24 hrs by then. He's off to Seattle tomorrow to present part of his Master's thesis on the cultural reflections of the partition of India after 1947. He brought me a dozen Montreal bagels (no ordinary bagels) which I have frozen for later. He's out tonight so I'm not sure I'll talk with him again before he leaves, not that we talked much last night.

Our union contract was finally ratified and back pay will be processed soon. A colleague reminded me that I worked a ton of overtime in late 2007, which means my back pay will be much greater than what others get. I had totally forgotten this, which, coupled with the realization that I panicked about my bank account unnecessarily yesterday, put me in a pretty good mood today.

Obama is making his first international visit as US President tomorrow, when he arrives in Ottawa for a brief 5 hr stay. He could have milked his huge popularity north of the border for more flattering publicity, but it seems he is focused on getting work done instead. No party animal here, I suppose, which does nothing to diminish his present halo. His motto seems to be "Focus on results, not image!"

PHOTO: Shehzad

"Dwell in possibility," - Emily Dickenson

Howe Sound

I was so wrong about Rich & Luis's Valentine's Day celebration. The video they showed was of a wedding reality show called "Who's Wedding Is It Anyway?" which showcased two different wedding planners and their clients, the first a woman who was planning a wedding and reception in a Manhattan loft for a pair of crazy rockers and the other, a flamboyant, over-acting queen and his attention-seeking mother who were planning Rich & Luis's commitment ceremony. It was downright hilarious or cute in parts, and in other places very touching. It gave wonderful insights into what challenges each of them were facing, such as family health issues and planning the move to Canada, while trying to plan their big day.

I was so glad I came but one glass and a half of red wine triggered something awful in my digestive system. I broke out in a sweat and almost feinted. For the rest of the evening I was weak. It was all I could do to walk home afterward.

I was still low energy all Sunday. In spite of it I did my best to get some writing work done. It wasn't easy but I did make surprising progress. Around 3 I called the boys to say I had made it home safely and was alright. They suggested they pick me up and go for a drive. We went up to the Cleveland Dam at Capilano Lake in North Vancouver and then west for their first ever visit to Howe Sound to catch the sunset.

They were amazed at the breathtaking beauty of Howe Sound. The Sea to Sky Highway is still mostly a terrible mess as they are widening it for the 2010 Olympics, which are now only 51 weeks away. There hasn't been much progress since last summer and I can't see how they will have it done it time.

PHOTO 1: sunset over the Sound
PHOTO 2: Luis & Rich with "The Lions" in the background
PHOTO 3: Mile 0 of both the Upper Levels Hwy (Trans-Canada) and the Sea-to-Sky (Vancouver to Lillooet) Hwy

Valentine's Day

It's been 20 years since I shared this day with a lover. Somehow my most passionate, romantic lovers have always been involved with me at different times of the year, and they have never lasted. My first lover was in Toronto in 1980, and I was out here. I sent him a stained glass sun-catcher I had made of two hearts entwined. He shook it out of the packaging onto the floor which caused one heart to break. At that time I was still too unconscious to listen to the little messages life sends me.

Like Christmas, it is about myth-making, and the myths that it perpetuates invalidate my life, isolating as me an outsider. The commercial, sentimental hype is slightly less repugnant than Christmas because it doesn't last as long. It is flagrantly showy and self-centered and reminds me of the unconscious, unquestioned nature of heterosexual coupledom, that presumes that their possessive happiness and lifestyle is the golden vision that all others aspire to.

That sounds cold and bitter, but I am romantic by nature. In fact, most of my lovers have complained that I loved them too much, which in the end only meant that they didn't. But when I have been in love I am that way consistently. I didn't need an artificial reminder to celebrate my love one day of the year. I am also quite private about my affairs, respecting the fact that others may not be want to listen to me prattling on like a love-sick teenager.

The day would have passed unnoticed, as most years, but when I checked my itinerary for today I remembered that Rich & Luis have invited me and other friends over to their place tonight to watch a video of their commitment ceremony from a year and a half ago. It's like being invited over to watch someone's video of the happy time they spent with their family at Christmas when the hosts know your Christmas was barren. That sort of thing just makes me hyper-aware of what I lack in my life, but at the same time I want to play the dutiful friend and not refuse their invitation. There is no reason to hurt them. I'll just play along while they rub my nose in it.

Mornings

Mornings are best, when the streets are still quiet, the air is fresh and the gulls have the skies to themselves. It really doesn't matter the weather. This morning is a bit cooler than last week but I was smart enough to wear a sweater. On weekends I like to amble up to Joe's Diner on Davie and pollute myself with coffee and greasy food. It gets me out of the apartment early and starts the day.

Yesterday afternoon, I took a bus trip up to Main Street to Heritage House where Eric was entertaining at the story telling festival. Heritage House is a former City Hall from when Vancouver was in its infancy (less than a century ago) and I have long wanted to see inside, but when I got there I found that it was not accessible. There was no ramp and no place with railings on both sides to help me make it up the stairs. I just got back on the next bus heading home.

I didn't regret the trip though. It was a sunny day and the crowds on the bus were interesting, especially all the shoppers coming home from Chinatown which makes for a crowded ride. But I wasn't wearing a sweater then and the cold did cut through my leather jacket as I waited for buses.

Rich & Luis came over last night, armed with popcorn and a bottle of wine, to play "Settlers of Catan". I whopped both of their asses last weekend but they got their revenge last night by each winning a game. But both games were cliff hangers so fun was had by all.

I also managed to get through the revision of Chapter 23 of my novel yesterday and I have spent most of the day writing today. I am now well into Chapter 24 at page 283, having revised 10 more pages today. Still 63 more pages before I can start adding more to the end of the story as it now stands. It's wonderful not to have any time for a relationship!
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Long hours

I've been leading a quiet life, coming home every evening to rewrite sections of my novel. It is expanding from the middle as I revise it, adding more details to give it more colour and to help it flow better. Of the 344 pages I have written I am now on page 270, I think.

It isn't easy, really. The normal call volume at work has swollen to 40% above normal, which leaves me rather depleted at the end of the day. I have started to go to bed earlier to maximize my rest and I stop writing an hour before bed so my mind isn't still spinning. I am doing my best to get as much done at the start of the month because I may be asked to work longer hours at work as the tax season heats up. Our busiest two weeks of the year are the first half of March.

Fortunately, I have few distractions. My writers' group canceled our last meeting with no more meetings scheduled before the end of the month. My friends must be busy too. The only phone calls I have been receiving are from telemarketers without ethics or dignity who, like investment bankers, Republicans and the president of my condo's strata council, will all burn in Hell some day.

"Work is love made visible." - Kahlil Gilbran

Alice in Government Land, Part I

Everything must go, including this building and the Murray Hotel (also known as the Hurry Motel), to make way for another huge condo next door to my building. Work should begin sometime this year. Lots of dust and noise. Love those construction workers. Yeah!

OK, working at a federal government call centre isn't always easy. Monday is our busiest day and February to April is our busiest time. I'm usually psyched for it because I get my rest the night before and get up early enough to have a relaxing time over a coffee at my work station as my programs upload on my computer.

This morning I had done all the above but when I turned on my monitor... nothing. I wiggled the connections, rebooted the computer, booted the computer and slapped it around a little. Still nothing. The power light was on (green) but no one was home. I wasted no time in calling the National Service Desk, for even if the simplest thing is off-balance one must call 3,000 miles to Ottawa to ask someone who works 100 metres away to come over and look at it, and let's face it, without a monitor I wouldn't be able to help anyone. I explain to tech support that my monitor is completely dead, even though the power light is on.

No problem, Ottawa tells me. They will send someone from that room down the hall to look at it right away--HIGH PRIORITY! I tell my team Leader (government talk for 'supervisor'). I stay put and wait. I can't even play computer games. :o(

One hour passes. Their idea of high priority and mine obviously don't jive. I start to get antsy. Suddenly, I see a light on my phone flashing, telling me that I got a message. It must have come while I was speaking with my Team Leader. But I haven't had a message in several months and can't remember the password I need to retrieve my messages. I realize I need to call the National Service Desk again to have my password re-set, but that would mean they would need to send a message to Winnipeg. In half an hour Winnipeg would create a temporary password and send it to me in an e-mail so I could use it to create a permanent one and then access my phone message. But without a monitor I cannot cannot read my email.

I gave up on that idea and began going through all my drawers to find where I might have hidden my password. I find several, but have no clue what they are for. None of them work. Finally, I make a wild stab at what I think it might be and it WORKS. Happy, happy! I retrieve my phone message. It tells me there is a problem with my monitor and that a "ticket" has been raised (DUH!) and that someone will send me an e-mail with further details. Back to square one.

I call the National Help Desk again to explain there is no point sending me an email if my monitor is dead. They tell me someone from Regional Headquarters in Vancouver (not in my building) has sent the email and he wants to know what exactly is dead about my monitor. I suggested Ottawa might ask him what is dead about his brain, but they thought that might not be helpful. They suggested I call him instead. So I did. I explained that my monitor is what is dead about my monitor. I also told him that I work for the pensions and I take many death reports every day, and if I ever asked a caller, "What exactly is dead about your mother, Sir?" I probably wouldn't still be working here. He got my point and said he'd send someone over from that room down the hall to look at it right away. Too late, I said. Right away was over an hour ago.

Several more minutes passsssss. My morning break was approaching. My co-worker Neil, who quietly inhabits the work station on the other side of my padded divider, suggested I steal the monitor off an unused station nearby. Swapping components between work stations is something that drives the techies MAD and by that point I thought that was a great idea. Ten minutes later I had a working monitor, albeit a 15" one instead of my 17" one. Tech support never did come by, even after I responded to the email in my in-box saying that I had stolen a monitor to replace my own. As I was leaving work today at least a dozen people (some I hardly knew) said to me, "I hear you had a problem with your monitor today...."

"Reality is only an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
- Albert Einstein

Spring

I love this time of year. It gives me energy. It started last Wednesday. It was gone again on Thursday but returned on Friday. There was a new mildness in the air, very subtle but also profound. I knew right away that the snow will not return this winter. Well, there was SOME sleet mixed in with the rain this morning but it was not cold enough to settle.

Eric and Josiane made their way to Victoria on Friday and I had the joy of having my place all to myself again. I slept in my bed instead of the sofa, played my CDs, watched movies I had rented before they arrived and slept in in the morning without any obligations to others.

Sis received the final test results and there is no sign of cancer. My brother's birthday was today and we chatted a few hours ago. Other than that I spent most of the weekend revising chapter 23 of my novel. I added another 800 words today. It is now 344 pages and 210,230 words long, give or take a few.

Speaking of counting, on Friday I reclaimed my 100-day average between falls over the past 10 falls. I had been there in September for the first time, but then I fell three times in the next 8 weeks. I also have this big goal that I set when I was 50, to keep walking for 2,000 days past my 50th birthday. Last Wednesday I reached the 1700 mark (85%). By tomorrow I guess I'll be at 1705. I use my cane a bit more than I did last year but I still walk to work over a mile almost every morning. Life is good.