I am effort to put myself more "out there" for making new social contacts, such as friends and potential dates, I have tried frequenting gay.com over the past two months. I cannot yet say anything good has come out of it, but I can certainly say lots of bad things have.
The very limited number I have met through the lines have all been either frauds, freaks or con artists, but usually it never gets anywhere close to that. The first step is to make contact, which either involves lying in wake awaiting for a prey to bite, like a tarantula or a venus fly trap, hoping that someone will IM (instant message) me to start a conversation, or by taking the rejection risk of inviting others to partake in a conversation.
One can grow moldy waiting for the first option to happen. I have learned that of 100 people signed in, 90 may be away from their computers or have the chat line running in the background while they do other work all day. Some, for some unknown reason, even leave it on after they have gone to sleep, though it could be said many signed on are permanently in a state of sleep.
The second method is definitely harder on the ego, especially if you don't have a headless naked torso shot of a defined hard physique and are under the age of 32. 95% of my attempts to strike up a chat fall on infertile ground. Most (80%) don't bother to reply at all. Some will reply with the standard tit-for-tat pat introduction phrases (or single 'words' in some cases) that can have very extended gaps between replies. They usually fall silent after 3 to 6 exchanges, rarely revealing anything real about the person I was talking to.
A few others actually start a real conversation about art, travel, or life problems, something beyond just an interview for their next sexual or marital experience. Some of them take my phone number or give me theirs, though they never call and are not there when I do. One from Colombia even talked to me for two hours, over which time we agreed we were mutually attracted, had many similar interests, were likely sexually compatible and had similar emotional needs. The next day though, after making me promise to meet on line again, he told me he wasn't interested in any kind of on-line dating, which I quickly agreed to, and then proceeded to block my responses using a setting that makes his presence invisible to me. Only 3 calls have led to a meeting, all very dead end and regrettable, but never has it led to a possible friendship.
I have 3 remote possibilities which have not yet crashed and burned; one an intelligent Thai guy who chats between serving customers in a hotel in Penticton, another a local fellow into yoga who is mildly interested in chatting but is always multi-tasking as we do, and a young lanky blond fellow (31) in New Westminster who I just contacted two days ago.
I always feel like apologizing for being 55, almost a sin on the chat lines if you initiate a conversation, though I hate setting myself up in a beggar situation. I am not desperate and am actually NOT hunting for a fuck. I am one of very few (less than 10%) who actually have taken the time to write a profile describing themselves and/or what they are looking for. I am getting exasperated by my frustrated efforts.
I suppose, as a generalization, chat lines are no more intended for chatting than bath houses are for bathing.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Friends
It's amazing how dependent on my friends I am. I haven't seen any of them for a week, since Eric & Fred came over last Sunday. Normally on Sundays between 11 and 1, I go to Faerie Coffee to meet several of them, but now Faerie Coffee is suspended and will likely relocate to another part of the city to make it more accessible to other Faes. It has replaced with a big emptiness, fitting for such a grey, wet day.
There was a long line-up at Joe's Diner today. This morning was the Sun Run around Stanley Park and the West End, one of the most popular annual events in Vancouver. I had forgotten. The restaurant was filled with lanky runner types and their friends who came to cheer them on or celebrate over brunch with them afterwards. It took a long time to get a seat and another long wait to get my food. I could have made breakfast at home but I needed to get out and be around other people, even in the line-up, although I didn't talk with anyone.
Now I am at home wondering how I will fill the rest of my day. I need something to motivate me and take my mind off my isolation.I am considering a new stained glass project, either Yves' bamboo window for his bedroom door, a dragonfly sun-catcher for Stitch or perhaps a new design for myself, an autumn tree in a wind storm, although I have no place to hang it.
There was a long line-up at Joe's Diner today. This morning was the Sun Run around Stanley Park and the West End, one of the most popular annual events in Vancouver. I had forgotten. The restaurant was filled with lanky runner types and their friends who came to cheer them on or celebrate over brunch with them afterwards. It took a long time to get a seat and another long wait to get my food. I could have made breakfast at home but I needed to get out and be around other people, even in the line-up, although I didn't talk with anyone.
Now I am at home wondering how I will fill the rest of my day. I need something to motivate me and take my mind off my isolation.I am considering a new stained glass project, either Yves' bamboo window for his bedroom door, a dragonfly sun-catcher for Stitch or perhaps a new design for myself, an autumn tree in a wind storm, although I have no place to hang it.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
mortgage problems
Late in March TD Bank completed the takeover of Citizens' Bank's mortgage department where I've held my mortgage for the past 8 years. I was reassured by both parties that the transition would be smooth and there was no need to phone. Then on April 16 I got a call from TD saying my mortgage was 2 payments in arrears because they had not received the payment information from Citizens'Bank. They asked me to bring a voided cheque to my local TD branch so they would have my payment information.
I brought the voided cheque to my local branch the next day, only to be told they could not accept it because it was voided. I silently smoldered as I asked the cute but clueless teller to take the account and transit numbers down anyway, since they would need this for future payments. He did tell me the mortgage number that TD had assigned to my account, since I hadn't received anything in writing from them since the takeover. He offered to take a payment out of my line of credit (which was fully paid off) but said he would need me to pay 4 payments. But I am only 2 payments in arrears, I protested to no avail. I asked to speak to a mortgage specialist but he said they were all busy and I'd need to come back next week. So I stomped out of the bank and returned home without making a payment, but at least now I had my mortgage account number.
I called TD's 800# with my new mortgage account number and related my problems. They agreed that I only owed 2 payments but said that they couldn't help me because my account had already been sent to their collections department as it was in arrears. There was nothing they could do until Collections was ready to contact me with threatening letters. I explained I received the news that it was in arrears only the night before and I had responded as fast as I could. I had plenty of money in a chequing account waiting to make the payments and a clear line of credit with the same bank and branch. Why couldn't they accept payment?!!
I was fuming by this point. It was not my fault the transition had not gone as smoothly as promised. They apologized and said it was highly irregular to accept a mortgage payment out of a line of credit but that in this case, since I was not to blame, they would "make an exception". That was a Saturday and the payment could not be processed until Monday but they took the numbers from my chequing account for future payments, numbers that would be verified by the local bank which had copied them from my voided cheque. I was assured over and over again that there would be nothing more I needed to do, that everything had been resolved. Furthermore, at my insistence, they would remove the interest charges on my line of credit that I would normally have to pay to cover the "loan".
That was 2 weeks ago. I phoned yesterday to make sure the latest bi-weekly payment had gone through smoothly last Wednesday. It hadn't. The first 2 payments in arrears had been paid from my line of credit on the 19th but the account numbers I had provided to both the local branch and the phone agents had not been recorded anywhere. I was put through to Collections who advised me to go down to the local branch again today and give them specific instructions to FAX though a copy of a voided cheque to their office so they could take out the latest payment that was in arrears.
I went to the local branch after breakfast this morning and spoke to another teller, not as cute but equally clueless. He said he had to get permission from his mortgage department to FAX the cheque to Collections. I asked him to check to see if I would be sent a monthly statement about my balance. He got permission but the mortgage department but said they only send out statements annually. The first statement I'd receive would be on the anniversary of their botched take-over.
I was back home a short while later when I got a call from the teller saying the FAX would not go through. He had tried it four times. He said either they were closed or that the number they gave me was incorrect. I asked if he could find out which of these it was by checking the number and whether they were open on Saturdays. He said he didn't know how. I asked if he could at least try putting it through again on Monday, but he said I would need to come down again with another voided cheque on Monday. That would mean taking half a day off work to get that done, with no assurances that it would happen anyway.
So I called the 800# again, which I have now memorized, and spoke to another agent. She kept me on hold the better part of 45 minutes while she checked the rules, which she claimed, contradicting the last phone agent, that she could take over the phone. But first she had to take yet another payment out of my line of credit. She promised that she would do a little calculation and remove the interest charges of the 3 payments. She claims to have made "extensive" notes to instruct others what needs to be done. A loud voice was screaming in my head' "But they won't do it!"
"Don't you worry, Sir," she tried to reassure me. "I have fixed the problem for good. I'm your buddy now! We're as good as married." Then she went on to give me a speech about the importance of good customer service and dedication to one's job. blah blah blah.... Your little buddy is wielding a baseball bat at the moment, I was thinking under my breath while I endured her self-basting assessment of the quality of her work. She assured me there was no need to call again.
Right! And as soon as my $2600 tax refund comes through I will pay off the penalty for leaving my mortgage contract early and head to another bank!
I brought the voided cheque to my local branch the next day, only to be told they could not accept it because it was voided. I silently smoldered as I asked the cute but clueless teller to take the account and transit numbers down anyway, since they would need this for future payments. He did tell me the mortgage number that TD had assigned to my account, since I hadn't received anything in writing from them since the takeover. He offered to take a payment out of my line of credit (which was fully paid off) but said he would need me to pay 4 payments. But I am only 2 payments in arrears, I protested to no avail. I asked to speak to a mortgage specialist but he said they were all busy and I'd need to come back next week. So I stomped out of the bank and returned home without making a payment, but at least now I had my mortgage account number.
I called TD's 800# with my new mortgage account number and related my problems. They agreed that I only owed 2 payments but said that they couldn't help me because my account had already been sent to their collections department as it was in arrears. There was nothing they could do until Collections was ready to contact me with threatening letters. I explained I received the news that it was in arrears only the night before and I had responded as fast as I could. I had plenty of money in a chequing account waiting to make the payments and a clear line of credit with the same bank and branch. Why couldn't they accept payment?!!
I was fuming by this point. It was not my fault the transition had not gone as smoothly as promised. They apologized and said it was highly irregular to accept a mortgage payment out of a line of credit but that in this case, since I was not to blame, they would "make an exception". That was a Saturday and the payment could not be processed until Monday but they took the numbers from my chequing account for future payments, numbers that would be verified by the local bank which had copied them from my voided cheque. I was assured over and over again that there would be nothing more I needed to do, that everything had been resolved. Furthermore, at my insistence, they would remove the interest charges on my line of credit that I would normally have to pay to cover the "loan".
That was 2 weeks ago. I phoned yesterday to make sure the latest bi-weekly payment had gone through smoothly last Wednesday. It hadn't. The first 2 payments in arrears had been paid from my line of credit on the 19th but the account numbers I had provided to both the local branch and the phone agents had not been recorded anywhere. I was put through to Collections who advised me to go down to the local branch again today and give them specific instructions to FAX though a copy of a voided cheque to their office so they could take out the latest payment that was in arrears.
I went to the local branch after breakfast this morning and spoke to another teller, not as cute but equally clueless. He said he had to get permission from his mortgage department to FAX the cheque to Collections. I asked him to check to see if I would be sent a monthly statement about my balance. He got permission but the mortgage department but said they only send out statements annually. The first statement I'd receive would be on the anniversary of their botched take-over.
I was back home a short while later when I got a call from the teller saying the FAX would not go through. He had tried it four times. He said either they were closed or that the number they gave me was incorrect. I asked if he could find out which of these it was by checking the number and whether they were open on Saturdays. He said he didn't know how. I asked if he could at least try putting it through again on Monday, but he said I would need to come down again with another voided cheque on Monday. That would mean taking half a day off work to get that done, with no assurances that it would happen anyway.
So I called the 800# again, which I have now memorized, and spoke to another agent. She kept me on hold the better part of 45 minutes while she checked the rules, which she claimed, contradicting the last phone agent, that she could take over the phone. But first she had to take yet another payment out of my line of credit. She promised that she would do a little calculation and remove the interest charges of the 3 payments. She claims to have made "extensive" notes to instruct others what needs to be done. A loud voice was screaming in my head' "But they won't do it!"
"Don't you worry, Sir," she tried to reassure me. "I have fixed the problem for good. I'm your buddy now! We're as good as married." Then she went on to give me a speech about the importance of good customer service and dedication to one's job. blah blah blah.... Your little buddy is wielding a baseball bat at the moment, I was thinking under my breath while I endured her self-basting assessment of the quality of her work. She assured me there was no need to call again.
Right! And as soon as my $2600 tax refund comes through I will pay off the penalty for leaving my mortgage contract early and head to another bank!
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