Coffee withdrawal

Those sharp, crisp sunny days of the past week are gone. No more dipping below the freezing point and stepping over the frozen puddles in the morning, I hope. I expected to feel relieved and joyous this weekend and the warmer air moves in, but that's not the way it is. I'm feeling rather emotionally fragile, with anxiety coursing through my veins instead.

It is a cold, lonely day with not much light. I went out for breakfast as usual. The rain was cold, not much above freezing, and the chill seemed to whistle around my heart, biting a bit deeper than usual.

There nothing like a hot coffee on such a morning, but I didn't order one. I am trying to break my addiction this weekend before a start my candida diet on Monday. I can't imagine breaking my addiction, which means low energy, confused thinking and headaches, while starting a new diet on the busiest day of the week. I still have soy milk, cream cheese and bread to use up before starting the diet, but stopping the coffee seemed like one thing I could do at the same time.

Breakfast on weekends is usually a peaceful, reflective time, where I enjoy the warmth of my coffee, my bacon, eggs and hash browns alone of with a friend, allowing the energy time to start flowing. After this weekend I will not return for a while so I wanted to enjoy the atmosphere. But the wet chill made me miss the coffee more than usual. I watched the coffee pot every time the waitress rushed by. A very loud-mouthed middle-aged drunkard was making an ass of himself, in love with his own wit and charm in the most public way possible. No one else seemed to think he was funny or charming. His selfish antics made me feel all the more depressed.

My sister insists I need to do the diet, to de-acidify my body so her allergy treatments will hold. The diet means no dairy, no soy products, so coffee or tea, no bread or other wheat products, no pasta, no sugars or fruits, no raw vegetables or salads, no potatoes, carrots or other starchy vegetables, no alcohol, no red meat or dried seasonings.

I will be allowed to eat cooked, non-starchy vegetables, spelt bread, whole eggs (soft-cooked), white meat and fish and rice. For snacks I can have popcorn, almonds and brown rice cakes and for beverages I am allowed rice milk and hot water with liquid chlorophyll in it. I also have to take an anti-yeast compound, black walnut and a psyllium cleanser each day.

I am not sure where the anxiety is coming from. It can't be just the weather and the thought of missing coffee. I am a bit concerned that I might lose too much weight and muscle mass during the month-long diet, though I can have as much of the allowed foods as I want. I'm afraid I just can't see myself being all that interested in rice and cold fish or chicken for breakfast and lunch as well as dinner for four weeks straight. Deprivation makes me want to recoil into my shell.