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Friday, June 7th – resting in Laon
It is strange to wake up in someone else's home, especially when we are alone in their home. It is also strange not to start the day with a shower, even though I had one before dinner last night.
As soon as we are packed, Mike and I head over to Stephan Leleu's home for breakfast. Laon is quiet and sombre this Friday morning. It is still raining. It feels like Vancouver. The front courtyard of his house looks like an English garden that is somewhat overgrown. The cleaning lady, an older Portuguese woman, has laid out some continental breakfast choices - bread rolls, jams and coffee. I remember the bakery in Lisbon and wonder if she will scream at me when I reach for a bread roll. I wait until she looks away, just in case.
After breakfast we head back to the parents' home. Mike takes a walk down Memory Lane while I spend the morning inside, staying dry, resting my strained Achilles heel and reading Anna Karina. Just after noon, Mike returns with groceries for dinner. Stephan drops by and we spend an hour and a half sharing a slow-paced French meal. Stephan leaves at 2 to catch a train to join his family in Spain. I am sad to see him go, as this means we will have no access to hot water or another shower for the rest of our stay here. With that in mind, Mike and I pore over maps when he leaves to figure out tomorrow's route.
Then I tour the town alone, taking a few pictures and thinking about various things. It's a long, slow stroll, babying my tendon, gazing over the ramparts and dreaming of falling in love in various fantasy situations. Lovely scenery makes me feel romantic. Other men dream of sex but I, never having had a reliable, committed relationship, usually dream about love. Over the past few weeks I have become increasingly restless and lonely. Having Mike around often makes it worse. With no intimacy or affection in our friendship, I feel isolated and less valued. It is nothing more than a clash of styles and a difference in our needs.
My feelings are moving me towards a transition of sorts, as I grow further apart from those who are distant and functional in their interactions with me. I need more real, intimate connections with my friends. At times I feel like exploding but there is no one to even talk to. I didn't have anyone to talk to about them in Toronto either, but there was the status quo most of the time. Travel is bringing my needs to the fore. A change is coming soon, but I am not sure what it will be yet.
PHOTO 1: Laon's Notre Dame Cathedral, rear
PHOTO 2: Notre Dame Cathedral, front, with tourist office
PHOTO 3: Chapelle des templiers
PHOTO 4: rue Chateleine, Laon
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