20 years ago today – Day 92

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Monday, June 3rd – Paris

Today is my birthday, my 37th birthday, but I am not in the happiest of moods. I have a late start after doing a little writing. My first stop is the central post office where I drop off my letters and hopefully will pick up some mail. I had given
Poste Restante Paris to my friends and family as my next mailing address after Lyons, but not a single letter is waiting for me. I am feeling abandoned, like no one misses me or cares enough to write to me.

I try to shrug off the blues but the bad feelings continues to sink in as I walk around, I walk around the banking district for half an hour before I give up on sight-seeing. I locate a gay sauna from my Spartacus Guide, the one Guillaume recommended last night, hoping this will distract me. It costs only 95F, not the 130F listed in Gai Pied, which is
probably the off-hours price, but it is still very expensive for my budget. But instead of distracting me, I feel more disillusioned because I don’t meet anyone. Now I feel worse because I’ve wasted so much money to go there. At least my depression as crystallized and it’s clear that I am mostly sad because my former boyfriend in Toronto, Mark, hasn’t written to me. I have no idea what to do about that.


I return to the CISP for dinner, feeling at my lowest for the day. I am not sure if I will ever hear from Mark again. Mike notices my quietness and asks what’s wrong. I pour out my feelings for him, how disappointed I am, especially about Mark. He says nothing but I can tell he sympathizes. He misses his boyfriend John too.

We stay in tonight. I am in no mood to party or socialize and Mike, as usual, is content to stay in. We might as well be in a small town.


PHOTO 1: Blvd. Malsherbes
PHOTO 2: Eglise de la Madeleine
PHOTO 3: Eglise de St Augustin
PHOTO 4: Louis Le Grand High School

*** Gentle Readers, as you are aware from the passage above, this is my birthday, just as it was 20 years ago today when I was 37, only now I’m twenty years older. You are also now aware that it can be depressing when no one is writing to me. So, for my birthday and all the hours I have already put into writing this blog, I want you to do something small for me. No, I don’t need you to clap if you believe in faeries. I want you to make a simple comment below, like “Happy birthday, Ken, Luke, Mr. Warmwater or whomever” just so I know someone is reading this. Thank you. It means a lot to me.***