In the morning Johannes and I have sex, but it more like masturbation between friends. He is going to see his daughter early this morning and will spend the whole weekend with her. This is foremost on his mind. I think I am unlikely to see him again before I leave, though I haven't yet decided when that will be. I still haven't reconnected with Mike and determined where that will go. As he walks to me to the tram that will take me back downtown, he asks to see me again Sunday morning.
Back at Marc's I find a note on the kitchen counter from last night saying he has
gone to Fio's. He hasn't returned yet. I do his dishes and clean the kitchen. I take a walk to the corner store and buy some freesias to add to his bowl of fading white lilies. I go out for a walk to see more of the city. When I get back I find Marc has returned. He has just had a call from Mike, who says he is now on his way over. He must have picked up my note at the post office with Marc's number on it. I wait for
an hour and then decide to check the post office again. Mike arrives just as I am leaving. He tells me not to change my plans for him. He is either trying to be nice to me or avoiding our discussion about how we will continue from here. 
There is nothing waiting for me at Poste Restante. On my way back I decide to check out a gay cinema that is mentioned in my Spartacus Guide. It proves to be depressing, populated with old men, lecherous, unattractive men. I leave after ten minutes.When I get back to Marc's, I find that Mike has also gone out. I stay in and read until he returns. We talk. He seems pleasant and positive but I hold no expectations
and feel no obligations to him. My only concern is how to come up with an arrangement where I won't have to cycle with him as often, if we do continue on together. I am hoping he will apologize for his inconsiderateness and hostility towards me when we last parted, but he seems to have no regrets. He has been staying in an inexpensive hostel in town and enduring some heavy snoring for the past two nights. During this time he has reconsidered his options and has decided to return to Canada before the fares rise for summer. The rest of his traveling family, including his sister who lives in Australia, are all together in Toronto at the moment. He also misses his boyfriend in Washington, DC, and plans to make a trip south to see him. 
So just like that I am on my own after almost three and a half unsteady months of his companionship. I am not sure I want it to end so suddenly, so completely, but he has made is decision and it is probably for the better for each of us. He is leaving in five days and will stay here until then. He says he will keep in touch via Poste Restante, and will return to Europe in a month or two. I don't know where he'll land or where I will be at the time. Perhaps we will hook up again later, or not. That is too far in the future with too many circumstances to deal with in between. He moves his bike and gear over to Marc's place and we spend the rest of the day together, not feeling the need to discuss our relationship anymore. We go for dinner in at a local restaurant and share a bottle of wine back at Marc's afterwards. My mind is spinning in bed, wondering what I want to do from this point onward.
PHOTO 1: bicycle parking
PHOTO 2: bikes and canals
PHOTO 3: beautiful canal near Johannes
PHOTO 4: bike and canal
PHOTO 5: Amsterdam Grachten
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