An unsettling encounter

Something happened to me at the pub in Horseshoe Bay yesterday that I did not share with Winfried or Chris. After lunch I headed to the washroom to empty my bladder before the trip home. A man in his 40s entered the washroom in few metres in front of me. When I entered he was at one of two urinals fit tightly side by side at the far end of room. He glanced over his shoulder at me as I entered.

I assumed he might be pee-shy or or homophobic so I nodded at him and went into a toilet stall to give him his privacy. But from the urinal he tried to engage me in a conversation, not about the weather but suggesting in a teasing manner that I was a drug dealer because I was using the stall. I assured him I wasn't but he continued this line of joking, suggesting instead that perhaps I was a spy following him.

I an excellent at logic and math, except when it comes to equations of human psychology. I had given him no reason to feel he was being pursued or threatened. I tried adding the clues in various ways, but they left me with only one logical answer as to why he would engage a stranger while his dick was hanging out of his pants in a public washroom. He probably wanted me to sidle up to the urinal beside him. As flattering and exciting as that moment seemed, I knew my reaction would have been catatonic and embarrassed. I certainly wasn't ready to do anything with him there.

"Is it true that spies always walk with a limp?" he continued unexpectedly as we washed our hands at the sink.
"I wouldn't exactly call it a limp," I mumbled hesitantly.
"What is it then?"
"I have muscular dystrophy. I am losing my ability to walk so I have some problems with my balance."
He looked at me full on. I hadn't had the courage to analyze his face before then. He had greying hair but a handsome, masculine face. His eyes filled with compassion as his voice softened and lost its jovial manner. "I am sorry to hear that."

Instantly my heart felt naked and raw. I wanted to lay my head on his muscular chest and feel his strong arms around me. I felt a pang of regret as I imagined seeing and touching his cock at the urinal, but my lust was mixed with self-pity.

He asked me if my condition was degenerative and if there was a treatment, but all I had for him was bad news. He wished me luck as he left the room. He reached out to hold the door for me, but I beat him to it. I wanted to show him that at least I could do that much for him. Not that it mattered.

The feelings stayed with me. While I waited in the parking lot an hour at Whytecliffe Park for Winfried and Chris to climb on the rocks below, my mind churned up a toxic, indigestible stew of desire and self-loathing. I must find a solution to this ever-expanding Achilles heel, a way to keep physical and emotional desires at bay or a way to enjoy them without them tearing me apart in the process. Then, and only then, will I be at peace with my condition.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life." - Advice given by sadistic doctors to cancer patients