Labour Day weekend

There is no question this year that autumn has started early. Not regrettably though after such a long, wonderful summer. The an almost constant sunshine has been replaced with almost constant combination of cloud and rain.

For myself, September always brings both sadness and anticipation. It is always a time of reflection and getting back to focusing on my goals, whatever they are at the time. This year it will completing the revision of my novel to the point I have written so far and outlining the next chapter. I have spent the last year of so revising what I have written before so this will be a big accomplishment.

Last year I went through a bit of a crisis in September and October as several close friends had disappeared from my life as if they had fallen through some hole in the floor. My ensuing loneliness came at a time when I realized the high hopes I had about the new muscle-building drug Acadesine would not be realized. I had broken my long-standing promise not to succumb to 'hope' and I was being punished by a swift kick in the heart. It was my worst autumn in a decade, so it's not hard to imagine this coming one as something much better.

This long weekend started off a bit lonely, however. Stitch and Raven are up the coast at Germain's in Sechelt, setting up and holding a sweat lodge on his property. (I was invited but the insufferable heat and darkness of the ceremony sends me on a fit of claustrophobia.) Rich is Toronto, as is my new friend Dennis. Larry is somewhere out of the area and Danzante and Gerry are in Portland this weekend, part of their 2-week vacation. Flash and Doozer have moved back to Colorado and Michal is in Poland most of this month. The wet, gloomy weather, seen through the tinted windows of my condo, helped to worsen my mood. I had to whip myself to do every errand I set for myself. If I hadn't, I might have succumbed to a much worse mood.

Tinkerbell and Foxtail rescued me last night by coming over to watch "Love In The Time of Cholera", an excellent movie. We munched popcorn and sipped the last of my cointreau.

It's still raining today. The corn plants in the community garden have already withered to an autumn gold. Frederic met me for breakfast at Joe's, already dressed for his waitering work at "Cafe Bellaggio", which was scheduled to start at 2pm. Meeting him put me in the finest of moods and made the rain look like a blessing from heaven.

With my travels and his heavy work schedule, it has been almost a month since I have seen him. He is still stressed from his workload, but hopefully that will change after this weekend as the tourist trade drops off. I sat across from his big beautiful brown eyes as he told me again how useless the women he works with are and how happy he is that he doesn't have a girlfriend at the moment. I'm not sure if he says this to reassure me as a gay man that he won't abandon me anytime soon, or if he really means it. He never breaks eye contact as he pours out his heart to me and asks about my life. I was proud of myself today. I did not look away out of shyness or modesty. I let myself feel his love without fantasizing that he was falling in love with me.

After breakfast we walked back to my place so he could collect the mail that has piled up for him and Eric over the past 2 weeks. The results of their English tests had come back, and he was delighted that he scored higher than Eric across the board. I'm sure Eric will never hear the last of it as they love to tease each other.

We had just started into a game of "Settlers of Catan" when Eric called from the restaurant. There was some sort of crisis, a staff shortage most likely, and he had to leave right away. I took it as a sign that today I should be writing, but not before I listened to a couple of my favourite Gordon Lightfoot songs. They are perfect on grey, pensive days, for opening my heart even wider.