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Sunday, August 11th – Berlin to Dresden
I wake at 8 am with Hans snuggled up against my chest. He is still sleeping. I gently stroke his hair and caress him. He stirs and hugs me gently. I can feel his hard-on growing against my leg as I continue to stroke his hair. I try to kiss him but he pulls away, perhaps fearing his breath or mine. I let my fingertips dance lightly over his erection which juts out under his briefs. He pushes my hand away and rolls over to go back to sleep. I do the same out of frustration, turning away from him.
I wake again an hour or so later. Hans has sneaked out of bed, showered and dressed without disturbing me. He is talking with Mereika in the kitchen, making any further advances impossible. I shower and dress under a dull cloud of pointless rejection, then put on a happy face to go greet them. They switch to English, which limits Hans’ participation, but they both seem happy to include me.
We talk about nothing in particular, mostly funny stories that Mereika is telling about her times with Wolfgang. I help her make brunch and we chat until it is almost noon. Then I pack my bags and load up my bike in preparation for my departure. Hans begs me to write to him. I am not ready to make promises to someone who sneaks out of bed to get away from me, and I resent my impulse to lie just to end this pleasantly. You can’t read English, I tell him. Mereika will read for me, he pleads, glancing over to Mereika who hasn’t heard him. I am not sure you really want me to, I say. I do, he insists sincerely, his wall of protection lowered now that he no longer needs it. I tell him I will try. I might, who knows, but I can’t see the point. He certainly won’t be writing me back. I am neither glad nor disappointed to leave, or perhaps a balance of both.
I ride to the station an hour earlier than necessary, just to get some space from Hans and let my feelings subside. I call Heiko and he invites me to stay with him again. The same unremarkable scenery flows by out the window. I open my maps of the Donau (Danube) and start planning a possible route. There is nothing better than focusing on the immediate future to help forget the immediate past.
I’ve been reading the news. There has been a flood on the Donau this year, one of the largest in decades. It has been subsiding slowly over the past two weeks. I figure that the bike path will be open by now, or at least most of it. If not, I will find other routes. The train leaves Dresden tomorrow morning at 9:30 and arrives around 5 pm in Regensburg.
That will be the train I will be on so that I will still have time to find a hotel in town. I also write a postcard to Mike Silk who should be arriving in Frankfort in a week or so. I tell him my expected dates of arrival in Budapest and Venice. I post it at the train station in Dresden.
Heiko is happy to see me again. I like the feeling of returning to someone I have met before, whether that be Kersten, Andres, Hans or Heiko. He has come to meet me at the train station, which surprises me. From there we walk to the grocery store for buy food for dinner. We strap the bags to my bike which I wheel along beside us as we walk home. He is telling me about more things that have gone wrong in his apartment block, each of them with tensions exaggerated by two years of economic despair. It will take a long time for this country to heal.
Ralph is out tonight. Heiko doesn’t know where. We play a game of cards and chat to pass the evening. It is comfortable in his place tonight. It occurs to me that again I have forgotten to call Mom but it will be better to call her from Regensburg on Tuesday, where they will have better pay phones.
PHOTO: the dingy look of Dresden decay
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